Like the majority of men, I too was once preoccupied and unsatisfied with the size of my penis. I was simply not happy with the genetic cards that nature had dealt me. Through feelings of inadequacy I suffered, only to eventually find an answer to my prayers. But decades before I set upon the path to discovery, there came a pivotal experience that forever altered me. A single defining moment that would ultimately change my life and shape me into the person I am today.
Before I begin I would like to say that I have never before told anyone what I am about to relate here. It's personal and to be honest, a little bit embarrassing. The reason I decided to tell this story now is owed to the honesty and bravery of another man. Through his shining example, my passion and faith has been rekindled and renewed. Now here's my story...
A Consequence of Diversity
It was back in the early 1980's and I was just a boy in Elementary school. I was either in 4th or 5th grade, I'm not entirely sure which. The school district had just begun a program of desegregation. Basically this was done to bring diversity to the student population of local schools.
In those days it was not uncommon for schools to be divided into those that were primarily white and those that were mostly black. Ending this race segregation meant that I would be bussed across town to an entirely different school. As it turned out, I became the "minority" - one of the few white students in a school with a predominantly African American class.
At the time I really didn't understand why this was happening. I couldn't figure out why I was being sent to a school miles away when there was one within walking distance from my home. I had no say in the matter so I just accepted it and went on with my life.
Although there were some initial racial tensions, I quickly learned to fit in and actually made some great new friends. Looking back I think it was mostly a positive experience even though it clearly took me out of my comfort zone. It forced me to adapt and I wound up making friends that I probably never would have if things had remained status quo.
Of course not all change is a good thing...
The YMCA Swimming Program
Just as I was starting to get comfortable in my new surroundings, another new "required program" was implemented... the swimming program. The administrators wanted to ensure that all children knew how to swim. Now while I had already been taught to swim because my family owned a pool, there were many underprivileged kids who had never had the chance to learn. So they began sending us to the local YMCA for lessons.
At first I thought it sounded like a fun idea. I would much rather go swimming then be stuck in gym class! Those thoughts quickly changed after my first day at the 'Y'.
You see, they required us to change and shower before and after each swimming session. Shower in the nude, with other boys. Boys who were much more "developed" in certain bodily areas then yours truly.
Until that first day in the locker room, I probably had never given any thought to the size of my penis. I'm pretty sure that I hadn't even hit puberty yet, or if I did then it was in the very early stages. But I will never in a million years forget what I saw that day and how it made me feel.
Shock, Embarrassment, Shame
First off, let's address the elephant in the room (perhaps elephant "trunk" is a more appropriate analogy). There's a popular myth that black men are extremely well-hung. While there's much controversy regarding the subject, and it's guaranteed that Not All black men have huge penises, I can only testify to my own personal experience. And that is to say, the black kids that I was compelled to shower with were enormously well-endowed. Much more so than me with my pathetic and puny pecker.
Now there is some truth that we don't always remember clearly the things from our past. Over time the mind tends to embellish and alter the reality of what has actually occurred. Memories are often fleeting and ethereal and certainly not set in stone.
That said, there is nothing that will ever erase those images from my mind. I know what I saw. More so, I remember exactly how it made me feel - inadequate and embarrassed... like a boy among men. Even though it is now decades later, when I think about that experience it comes back to me as if it were just yesterday.
Huge, long, thick, flopping dicks dangling from between thighs like ripened bananas hanging from trees. Some boys ran around excited and had erections that poked upwards towards the ceiling like ebony steel rods. The shock of it all left me traumatized.
I didn't want to look but I just couldn't pull my gaze away. I had never seen anything like that in my life. I had seen my father naked before and even his didn't compare in size. That in itself isn't surprising since my own small penis was inherited from his very genes.
You may expect that I was ridiculed and mocked, however that was not the case. No one gave me a second glance. There was no pointing and laughing, in fact they probably never even noticed. That doesn't change the fact that I wished I could crawl up into a little ball and shrink away to nothing.
Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if they had made fun of me. Maybe I could have accepted it, learned to laugh at myself and move on. Instead I internalized the shame which haunted me for years afterwards. Feelings of inadequacy shaped my formative years, ate away at my self-confidence until there was very little left.
This feeling of being somehow inadequate followed me for much of my adult life. I had a real fear of being exposed in front of others. I would change in locker rooms with a towel wrapped around my waist. I was terrified of having sex because I didn't want anyone to see my penis. I thought of it as a curse and wondered why on earth I deserved such a punishment?
Looking back on it now, I understand that the mental devastation I went through actually had a silver lining. In fact, it helped make me into the man I am today. Without that initial experience, and the years of self-inflicted torment, I would never have devoted myself to my own betterment. I wouldn't have spent all the time I did researching solutions for my predicament. I definitely wouldn't have gained the confidence I have now.
In a strange way, I'm glad that I had a diminutive penis. It forced me to confront the problem head-on and find a solution - even though I wasted years looking for one. It put a driving force in my life, it gave me ambition. It taught me that circumstances can be changed, that we do not have to settle even if at times things seem hopeless and our efforts futile.
Never Give Up Your Dreams
I've been asked before why I believe the practice of genital enlargement and enhancement is worthwhile. The words I choose to explain my motivations usually never seem adequate - confidence, dignity, security. The truth is that most guys probably wouldn't understand so it really doesn't make a difference what I say.
You, the person reading this right now, maybe you won't get it either. But maybe you will. And that's enough reason right there to continue doing what I do. It's why I still seek the newest solutions, continue to report on the latest medical research, and give advice and guidance to men who are interested in pursuing their own betterment.
I do it for the few out there who can relate to my story and my struggles. Those that want to change and become a better man, both mentally and physically.
What happened to me, what ultimately drove me to change, that is my own unique badge I wear with honor. I have no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, I sincerely believe this. We shouldn't shy away from the challenges of life... we should embrace them!
I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this long essay. I hope you may find some inspiration in the words. For me, the telling of this story was liberating. Now you know more about me than my closest friends and family do!
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes.
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
-Thomas Alva Edison
Posted by PRS
Wednesday, February 12th, 2014
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